Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
