The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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