i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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