I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
