You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
