i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
