u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
