who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
