I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
