haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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