somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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