Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
