i jhust puked up my retainher.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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