my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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