I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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