Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
