Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
