I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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