Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
