# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
