Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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