I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
