C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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