Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
