some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
