Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
