We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
