Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
