So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
