I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
