somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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