You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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