shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
