someone get that fucking seahorse.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
