even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
