You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
