I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
