ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
