I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
