We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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