she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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