just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
