don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
