Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
