so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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