Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize