I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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