haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm both gender and math confused
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
