coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
