Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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