Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
