who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
