Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
