just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
