I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
