You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
