My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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