Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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