Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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