We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
