i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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