pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
