Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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