Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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