That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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