so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
