dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
