what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
