Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
