That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
