You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There was a lot of him and a little penis
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
