The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
