I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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