omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
