how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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