White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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