Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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