Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
