Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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