you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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