Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize