I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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