Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
