I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
