I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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