if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I want her autograph on my taint
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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