o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
