ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
