So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
