youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
