What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
is wine microwaveable?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Pooping to opera.
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