Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
