I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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