He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
